Sweet Valentine
by EmD23
Summary: A few of his mother's words seem to have an effect on Ash's current and former female companions, so the poor, clueless boy decides to buy each of them a gift to calm them down, leading to a nasty argument as Pikachu cowers and Brock laughs. Ash/?


A/N: Some OOC and story flow awkwardness.

Sweet Valentine

Ash Ketchum has decided that he will never in his life buy another Valentine's Day gift for anyone that isn't his girlfriend.

It's really not worth the trouble.

He stares glumly at the building argument between his traveling companions as Pikachu scampers off quickly to take cover.

Traitorous bastard.

Brock, ever reliant Brock, is trying his hardest not to laugh as he places a heavy hand on Ash's shoulders. "You've really done it this time, haven't you?"

The glare he receives as a response is all that needs to be said. Both men turn to the argument at hand.

"It's obvious he put the most thought into mine," Misty says rather snidely.

"As if," May scoffs, "mine is clearly the best, and I bet you he spent the most money on it as well."

"Did not!"

"Um," Dawn says from between them, "you guys do realize he got each of us the same exact necklace, but with our birthstones in each one, right?"

"WE KNOW!" Misty and May snap simultaneously.

Now, Misty can be hard-headed, snappy, and stubborn, but she and May are usually very kind people that easily get along, so such an argument is not a common sight.

But Delia Ketchum does have a way with words.

The trio of Ash, Dawn, and Brock had decided to return to Pallet Town in order to attend a yearly exhibition show held at Viridian City. Naturally, Delia had welcomed them warmly with a home-cooked meal that put anything Ash had eaten in Sinnoh to shame. As he relished in the taste of his mother's food, the doorbell had rung. Delia had answered it to reveal both Misty and May, who had decided to visit Ash upon learning he was returning. The girls had met on the road and traveled together.

As they each greeted everyone in the house, each giving Ash rather long and tight hugs, Delia had invited them to eat with the group. It was then, as Ash stacked two rather juicy steaks on his plate, that Delia opened her mouth.

"My little Ash is surrounded by such kind and beautiful women. If only he'd settle on one and give his mother the chance to fuss over a girlfriend..."

Misty and May had both blushed, Dawn smirking at their reactions.

That was when the spark had been born.

The two had spent the majority of the dinner complimenting each other. Ash thought it was rather odd, and their voices sounded slightly stiff, not to mention the fact that Dawn was looking at them in extreme amusement, but Ash decided it was just his imagination.

It was as he was finishing his fourth helping that Delia spoke again.

"I think you both have wonderful hair, don't you think so Ash?"

Ash nodded, concentrated on his food. "Yeah, but I like Dawn's the best."

Everything seemed to stop. Ash saw Brock delivered a perfectly executed facepalm as his mother giggled and Dawn looked down, blushing. He then noticed that May and Misty were both looking at him in astonishment.

Everything had changed after that, as the spark had turned into a blazing inferno.

In other words, Misty and May had spent the entire trip competing in everything.

_Everything_.

Now, Ash may be a bit dense, but he wasn't completely stupid. He knew his words had had an effect on each girl. Feeling the tension, Ash had decided to buy each girl a gift when they arrived at Viridian on Valentine's Day to show them he cared for each and so that they'd calm down.

The plan was a failure.

"So," Misty says, "your birthstone is rough and rather funny shaped."

May's eyes narrow. "Well yours looks rather boyish, almost manly." She smirked. "It suits you well."

"Can you guys not do this?" Dawn says, cutting off Misty's intended retort . "Besides," she adds as an afterthought, "my stone is the prettiest."

Ash groans and the argument gets louder and Dawn shrinks back from the two infuriated women.. "What's Dawn doing? She's supposed to stop this, not add fuel to the fire!"

"I think Dawn knows _exactly_ what she's doing, actually," Brock says.

Brock doesn't think Dawn harbors any feelings for Ash, but she's competitive by nature and she definitely enjoys riling the other girls up.

Ash groans again, dropping his head.

"Maybe you should get a tan and actually have a social life," May has begun her attack. "If you didn't spend so much time holed up at that gym, boys might actually look at you."

Misty laughs. "Really, May? I'll have you know that I perform the Mermaid's Dance every year at the Cerulean Gym and boys trip over themselves trying to get a look at me."

"So you enjoy making money off of horny boys staring at your scantily clad body?" May says nastily. "Certainly speaks of your morals and attitude."

"Why you," Misty snarls, but then a smile slowly creeps into her face. "So May," her tone has become venomously sweet, "I've heard you're becoming quite the idol in Hoenn and Kanto."

"What about it?" May asks suspiciously.

"They're making posters of you and everything from the shots paparazzi manage to get of you," Misty continues. Her eyes are glinting in a predatory manner, "but I was curious about why your chest to vary in size when it comes to the posters." Misty smiles a cat-like grins. "I wonder if it's because they get shots of you in the morning before you've stuffed your bra?"

Brock lets out a low whistle and Ash's mouth drops at the viciousness of such a statement while Dawn gets in between the two girls to keep May from strangling Misty.

"That was low," Brock comments as Ash stands up. "You're leaving?"

"I thought about my mother's words and I realized she was hinting at something," Ash replies. Brock leans forward, excitedly. Who will Ash choose? "I figured she wanted to to be spontaneous and find a girl, so I asked out the girl at the jewelry store. I'm gonna go get ready for our date."

Brock blinks. Surely Ash isn't _this_ dense.

Pikachu crawls out from under the bed and leaps into his trainer's shoulders when he realizes Ash will be leaving the war zone. "Pika Pika!"

Just as Ash goes to open the door, Dawn's exasperated voice reaches him. "Where are you going?"

Ash turns and all three girls are staring at him. He doesn't understand why Brock is making a back and forth motion with his flat hand, which happens to be near his neck.

"I have a date," Ash says slowly, "with the jewelry store girl."

Pikachu gives his trainer a horrified look and Brock stares at him like he's an idiot. Pikachu jumps out from Ash's shoulders and hides under the bed again, rejoining Piplup to avoid Ash's impending murder.

Ash can tell from the shocked looks of each girl that he's said something bad, and his suspicions are confirmed when Misty, May, and Dawn (to his surprise) suddenly look absolutely furious.

An hour later, as Ash nurses a heavily abused cheek on his way to meet his date, he comes to a single conclusion.

He hates Valentine's Day.

A/N: First Pokemon story, just a simple plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone. Personally, I ship Ash/May, but as you can see, no one won this round =P

Please review. Constructive criticism is welcome.


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